(SBA) - Over the past two weeks, I have learned a great deal about being bereaved and about what are the expectations of those who seek to comfort the bereaved. I can say firmly that Sergeant Bluff is full of people who want to help me through this difficult time. People brought food, bottled water, paper products and, mostly, compassion to me and to my family. Dale died four days after his initial diagnosis, so his death was a shock to everyone. We did not see it coming.
The first person to show up at my house with food brought a crockpot casserole that he says he always brings to the bereaved because someone brought the casserole (and the recipe) to his home after his father died, The man said making and delivering the casserole brought him closer to his own father. That casserole came in handy after Dale’s family gathered here after the Friday night visitation. Dale was the youngest of seven children and so there were more than 30 of his family members who came for the visitation and funeral. I am an only child, and so my only biological relatives are my daughter and my son and their children. Consequently, it was a shock to me when the family gathered prior to the funeral, to process in together to sit in the “reserved” seats.
There were more than 175 people who signed the guest book during the Friday visitation and the church was filled to capacity for the funeral. My daughter, who had handled so many aspects of the preparation for the funeral, was very ill and could not attend the visitation. (She came to the funeral wearing a mask, but she was not contagious. Kelly’s husband, Trent Bossley, sat on the pew directly to my right during the visitation and he reminded me to drink water, to sit down occasionally, and basically he looked after me. Dale’s biological son (I’ve been his mother for 26 years and I love him as much as if I had given birth to him!) stood in the Narthex of the church with his wife and children to receive condolences there. I was so grateful that I knew the name of every person who came through the line as there were many men who had worked for Dale and were not well known to me. Dale, however, had told me enough stories about them that I knew them when they came through the line.
In the days preceding the funeral, both the Police Chief and the Fire Chief came to the house to visit me. Many City vehicles were parked outside the church as a tribute to Dale and the many things he has done to make our city great, Because Dale was retired Army, two soldiers attended the funeral and then conducted the flag folding ceremony to honor Dale’s service. I was ok until Taps was played. The funeral service, conducted by our pastor, Rev, Cindi Prather, with musical accompaniment by our pianist, Michelle Leonard, was the nicest funeral I have ever attended. The focus was on Dale as a public servant to our community and to our church. Dale always said he would like to attend his own funeral to hear what people had to say about him and I hope that somewhere in heaven he heard the service. He would have loved it!
One Midwestern tradition that is not practiced on the East Coast where I grew up was the giving of a small amount of money (usually $20) tucked inside the card left by people who attended either the visitation or the funeral. No matter how well “fixed” the family is, some cash really helps to provide either services or donations to organizations in the community. I requested that donations go to the Sergeant Bluff Library because I know that Mary Torgerson must raise money on her own to keep the library functioning. I hope that the donations offered at Dale’s passing will allow Mary not to have to worry about raising money in 2025.
I was so comforted by the outpouring of love and respect shown to Dale at his passing. Dale loved our city and he was tireless in his service to his God, to his family and to his community. Although my heart is broken by losing Dale after such a short time of love and marriage (26 years), I know that Dale was strong in his faith. I, too, am strong in my faith and that belief allows me to get out of bed in the morning and to function for yet another day. Dale and I would have been 100 when we celebrated our 50th anniversary and so we decided a few years ago to go to Hawaii for two weeks to celebrate (early!) that special anniversary. I am so glad that we did! Thank you to everyone who reached out as a tribute to Dale, by attending either service, sending a card or making a phone call or bringing food to our home. Your kindness will nurture me and my family in the coming days.
