By Ann Petersen, SBA Columnist | 03/12/26
(SBA) - Last week, during a visit to my doctor, I found myself in a small room with two young children and their parents as we all waited for a blood draw. The office was very busy, and we were together in that small space for at least ten minutes, so I had time to observe the behaviors of the children as they interacted with their parents. Both children were girls of about two years of age, and both girls were mildly ill with flushed faces and general discomfort. One little girl was there with both of her parents, each of whom was far more interested in their phones than in comforting their little girl.
That little girl moved between the laps of her mother and father and, although both parents were willing to hold the little girl, their lack of attention to her was clearly distressing to their daughter. The second little girl was there with just her mother who did not have a cellphone out and devoted all her attention to her child. That mother interacted verbally and physically with her daughter, cuddling her close and seeking to keep the child calm and comfortable. I was able to interact with the little girl who was there with her mother, but the other little girl retreated behind her parents (who never looked up from their phones) even when it was obvious that a stranger was addressing their child.
The little girl who was there with both of her parents was called from the room first, and I was able to spend a few moments alone with the second mother and her child. I told that young mother how impressed I was that she was devoting all her attention to her little girl, and she seemed surprised. She responded, “But she’s just so much fun!” Silently, I agreed with the mother, and I wondered whether such a comment would have come from the two parents who were also there with a sick toddler. I doubt that either one of them had taken the time to notice such charming behaviors from their child.
It seems that everywhere I go, I see parents obsessed with their phones as they attend concerts, sporting events and general social occasions. Although, purportedly, the parents are there to “watch” their children perform, they rarely look up from their phones, perhaps unaware that their children know exactly what the parents are doing. Such a situation is known as “technoference,” and research has shown that such behaviors can hinder bonding with small children. Consistent interference can reduce sensitive, responsive and face to face interactions that can lead to increased impulsive behavior as the child acts out when feeling sad or ignored.
Parents engaged with their devices show a “still face” or less emotional responsiveness to their child which may lead to the child misbehaving or whining to seek attention from that parent. Lowered communication skills and fewer non-verbal face-to-face interactions can effect developmental milestones and create less emotional intelligence in a child. Parents have a responsibility to model appropriate physical and emotional behaviors in their child, but such modeling is nonexistent when parents pay more attention to what is on their phones than what their child, who is right in front of them, is doing or saying.
Distracted parents cannot provide adequate responsive behaviors when tied to their phones which can lead to fewer opportunities for linguistic development and parental bonding. Research indicates that when parents are distracted by their phones, children can experience increased levels of stress, evidenced by fluctuations in their heart rates. Further, there is yet no definitive research into the impact on a child when a parent uses the cell phone as a babysitter to distract that child in situations when the child needs to be quiet or entertained. How many times have we seen children only a few months old staring, rapt, at a phone screen instead of into the eyes of an engaged parent?
Phones are ubiquitous and many parents are so addicted to these devices that asking them to give up their use when their children are present is unrealistic. Most parents are oblivious to the potential harm that they are inflicting on their child when a phone screen is always engaged. Parents talk less to their children when they are “on” their phones and when they do engage with that child, the response is often one of irritation. Too much time spent on devices lessens the ability to read verbal, facial and social cues, both for the parent and for the child. When parents respond to their child with annoyance, the vicious cycle of both parental and child distress perpetuates.
According to author Katherine Martinko in her book, CHILDHOOD UNPLUGGED: PRACTICAL ADVICE TO GET KIDS OFF SCREENS AND FIND BALANCE, adults spend an average of four hours a day on their smartphones while elementary students and teens spend seven hours and forty minutes on their devices, much of this during school hours. Martinko says that it’s time for both adults and children to explore other pursuits. Spending time outdoors, reading, talking in person with their friends, playing music, doing art, and engaging in activities that do not require screen time are all good options. Parents must take the lead if we are to develop the next generation of well-developed, emotionally independent adults. Making screen time less engaging by removing social media from the phone, calling instead of texting, keeping a phone on silent, making the home screen dark and unengaging, physically writing out information, seeking analog alternatives and not offering the phone to a child as a form of entertainment may all be efforts to assure that the next generation(s) are prepared for the future.
