By Ann Petersen, SBA Columnist | 01/15/26
(SBA) - This is a month of anniversaries for me. The first is that last Monday was the first anniversary of Dale’s death. This year has been incredibly hard for me, and although friends and acquaintances remark on how well I am doing, they cannot see the torment that is within my heart. Dale is the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think of when I go to sleep every night. The hardest part about being in a widow is when people remark, “I don’t know what I would do if I lost my spouse,” when the reality is that at some time in the future either you or your spouse is going to die. There is no “if,” it’s simply a matter of “when.” So, if you have not already thought about what will happen when one or the other of you dies, now is the time to start making plans for that inevitability.
I have made a lot of changes over the past year. I sold my house and now live in a 680 square foot “flat” in the Riverbend Townhome Community. I could not keep up with the house and lawn work required of living in a single home and I appreciate that there is someone to take care of maintenance, both inside and outside, and I love that I can walk directly from my garage into my apartment with no steps. I have made friends with several of the people who live around me and I know that someone will be there if I need assistance. I do not appreciate, however, the family whose living room is directly above my bedroom because they are very loud all the time. Repeated complaints have led to their usuall confining of their noise to the 16 hours a day when noise is acceptable, but I have been awoken more than once to their activity between the hours of 10 p.m. to 7 a.m. I do not rest well because I can never anticipate when they decide to begin an activity that will affect my sleep.
Another change that I have made is that I have something to do every morning of the week. For the fifty years that I worked as a teacher, daily activity was always expected, but retirement gives me more choice in how I use my time. If I didn’t force myself to get up every day, I would stay in bed and pull the covers over my head because I am so sad. I meet for coffee with friends a couple of mornings a week, I do a Bible study on Tuesday mornings, and I crochet prayer shawls with another group on Wednesday mornings. On Friday mornings, I volunteer in a first-grade classroom at Lawton-Bronson elementary and it is the highlight of my week. I keep busy with church activities, I review books for the American Library Association and I write this column, so my days are busy. I am not lonely, although I am often alone. I try to seek purpose in my days. I try to be kind and generous with my time and my talents. Nevertheless, I remain very sad, although I am incredibly grateful for the kindnesses my friends offer me daily.
The second anniversary this month is that it has now been twenty years since I began writing this column. In January 2006, I began a weekly column (I no longer remember its name) to inform Sergeant Bluff of the progress leading up to our town hosting RAGBRAI for the first time. Some time after that event, I shifted my writing focus to “Just Bluffing” and I have rarely missed a week’s column since. Twice, the editor (Wayne Dominowski) refused to print what I had written and a few times either a mix-up in my submission or a personal issue has precluded this column’s publication. To the best of my reckoning, I have written over 500 columns, with no repeats. People ask me how I come up with an idea each week for a column, but somehow, I manage to write about 850 words per column every week. (This column is about 930 words.)
I like writing what I think people would enjoy reading and I have really enjoyed writing about new businesses in town or other events that involve the people who live in our community. Recently, Cheryl Webner (she and her husband Dennis are two of our town’s newest newlyweds!) lent me a notebook of materials compiled by another of our favorite residents, Mary Lee Wise into a history of Iowa. Mary Lee and her husband Bob created a vast collection of information, vignettes and photos on all-things Iowa. This notebook should have a place in our museum, as well as a copy in the public library and all four school libraries as it is a wonderful reference. I loved the photos of the various barn styles found within our state. Mary Lee Wise has done a wonderful job of explicating the variety of endeavors that make our state such a great place to live. I hope that you can borrow a copy of her notebook so that you can learn (and see, through her photos) all that makes Iowa unique.
As I begin my second year of widowhood and my 21st year of writing this column, I hope that we can continue to support each other in what has, sadly, become a very scary time in our world. We must stand together, or we will surely fall apart.
Editor’s Note: Many of our readers know Wayne Dominowski, the former Editor and Publisher of the Sergeant Bluff Advocate. Wayne retired and sold the paper to me in November 2022, but even in “retirement,” he continues to be an important part of both this newspaper and the Sergeant Bluff community. His support, experience, and friendship mean a great deal—not just to me, but to so many who value his decades of dedication. At the Advocate, we strongly believe in every individual’s First Amendment right to free speech. That commitment is why I chose to run Ann’s column exactly as she submitted it, even though it included some unflattering remarks about Wayne. Open dialogue is part of what keeps our community strong, and honoring that principle matters.
—Tim Loftus, Editor & Publisher
